


Never Turn Your Back on Mother Earth

by SBG



Series: New Life [5]
Category: Emergency!
Genre: Angst, Drama, Earth Day, Frottage, M/M, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-22
Updated: 2012-04-22
Packaged: 2017-11-04 04:01:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/389518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SBG/pseuds/SBG
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Johnny loves Roy and he knows Roy loves him, but part of him hates that they have to keep things to themselves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Turn Your Back on Mother Earth

**Author's Note:**

> I always start these with "I am going to write for XXX day" with the intention to give myself ample time, and then it's the day before XXX day and I haven't even started. Long story short: unedited, so there might be minor tweaks later.

eEe

Johnny Gage was not good at keeping secrets. He never had been. As a kid, he’d realized much, much too late that he was, in fact, the family nark for the sheer reason he couldn’t determine when something was a secret and when it was okay for public knowledge. His parents hadn’t exploited this so much as … well, okay, they had. But that was what parents did to find out their precious children were smoking cigarettes behind the barn or throwing parties while they were away. Johnny never told on purpose, it simply happened, but it was only after he’d hit the age of nineteen or twenty that he got why his brother didn’t like him that much for years. He was smart; he was also a little naïve.

He guessed part of it was a deep-rooted belief that honesty made life so much simpler. Of course, John understood now better than ever that honesty could also make life the exact opposite of simple. He knew that and yet he wanted to be open with his and Roy’s relationship, not sneak around behind closed doors. As it stood, they were together, but it also felt like they were separate. They had hours and days snatched here and there and then Roy would go home to be with his family, where Johnny couldn’t follow. As much as he wanted to shout from rooftops and be over-the-top exuberant about his happiness, doing so would complicate life in unpleasant ways. 

Hell, they hadn’t even figured out if or when they should tell Chris and Jenny, and knowing they might not ever be able to was a solid, cold lump in his stomach. Deep down, what John wanted was to be a family with Roy and the kids. It was a cliché and he felt stupid for even thinking it; in their line of work or otherwise, they couldn’t set up house together without potentially devastating results, both of them well aware of societal bigotry even in this day and age, and general misunderstanding. But that dream of family was what made it impossible for him to say no when Roy invited him on a weekend camping trip. For two days, he could pretend. He had to pretend, because anything else hurt too much. He stared out the window at the passing scenery, fighting the ache in his chest that was both happy and sad. 

In retrospect, the timing of the question might also have had something to do with it.

_It still amazed Johnny that every kiss he shared with Roy was like their first. He thought it always would amaze him. Soft and sweet, hard and hot, it didn’t matter what type. He felt like he had won some sort of lottery, twenty million in first kisses was worth more to him than any monetary jackpot. He always lost himself in Roy’s kisses, the smooth slide of their tongues against each other, the suppleness of Roy’s lips. And every time, he didn’t want it to end._

_Roy trailed a hand along John’s ribcage, touch at once delicate and demanding, and Johnny could do no less than touch back. He skimmed his hands across Roy’s back, loved the hard muscles under smooth skin. He moaned in disappointment when Roy broke the kiss, then moaned in pleasure when Roy hunched slightly without losing the rhythm they’d set, turned his attention to John’s right collarbone, teasing at the thin skin with his teeth._

_“Oh, God,” Johnny gasped and arched into Roy’s bite. It seemed his collarbones were directly linked to his cock, as a jolt of want shot through him and made him even harder. “Roy, that…”_

_Roy bit more sharply, though not hard enough to leave a mark, and chuckled softly when Johnny bucked violently beneath him. His laughter turned into a half-gasped groan himself, when their cocks slid against each other roughly. His rhythm stuttered as well, but only for a moment. He placed an open-mouthed kiss on one of Johnny’s nipples and slid both hands down to grasp Johnny’s hips._

_“Damn, your mouth,” Johnny said. “Your mouth.”_

_Roy smiled against him, teased one nipple tender before giving the other identical treatment._

_Johnny scrabbled, fingertips ghosting along Roy’s sweaty back. He dug his heels into the mattress, rocked up as Roy rolled into him. He snaked his left hand to the back of Roy’s neck, twined his fingers through the damp hair at the nape as they both quickened the pace. The near-constant brush of his cock against Roy’s was stimulation overload, and it was so good. He couldn’t stop the high-pitched whine at the back of his throat, smiled softly when Roy gave up toying with his nipples and returned his mouth to Johnny’s, kissed him sloppy and wet for a moment._

_Roy pulled away with a grunt of exertion and reared back, hips slamming in uncoordinated jerks and then he was coming in spurts on Johnny’s chest. The splash of semen spurred Johnny on and while Roy was locked in orgasm, he rutted up with fraught need. That need only increased with Roy’s grunts at the assault on his sensitized flesh. Johnny came as Roy collapsed on top of him, limbs tangling with his and keeping him grounded through his orgasm, and after, as his brain tried to regain function._

_The minutes after sex, the messyslick heat of their bodies close together, the sounds of rough breathing, had become high on the list of Johnny’s most favorite things in the world._

_“You should come with us this weekend,” Roy said after a few minutes, breath hot against Johnny’s skin. He nipped at Johnny’s neck, then licked it better. “It’ll be fun.”_

_Johnny was hazy with sex, but he still managed to think that, no, two days with Roy and the kids wouldn’t be fun so much as torture, a weekend reminder of what he couldn’t ever openly have._

_“Roy,” he said, doubt clear in his tone._

_“Come on, Johnny. The kids would love it if you were there. You know they love you,” Roy whispered ask he kissed John’s neck again. “I’d love it, I love you.”_

_Then Roy continued kissing, back to the collarbone, down to the still sensitive nipples, the navel, and lower, lower, deep kisses at his left hipbone. Roy scooted down his body, left him cold and somehow hot. Johnny watched, silent, and allowed Roy to push him onto his back, nudge his legs apart to settle between them. Jesus, this man. Roy gazed at him for a moment, half smile quirking the corner of his mouth and then he wrapped those sinful lips around Johnny’s spent cock. It was surreal, talking about Roy’s kids one moment, having his cock twitch in miraculous interest again the next. Roy swirled his tongue around the tip of Johnny’s penis._

_“You play dirty.”_

_“Mmmph,” Roy said around his dick._

_And holy hell, yes. Yes._

_“Yes, I’ll go anywhere you want, just don’t stop doing that,” Johnny said with a hitch in his voice he’d make time to be embarrassed about later._

_Roy’s mouth could do many a wondrous thing._

“All right,” Roy said, muted exhaustion in his tone from the long drive. “We’re almost there. Five more minutes, kids.”

“Wahoo!” Chris shouted. “Finally!” 

“We’re gonna go swimmin’ and have a campfire and roast marshmallows and tell ghost stories,” Jenny chirped from the backseat of the DeSoto family station wagon. Her little feet kicked against the back of Johnny’s seat in a haphazard pattern that had occurred sporadically throughout the whole trip. “And have so, so, so much fun.”

Johnny smiled. He’d have to have a lump of coal for a heart if he couldn’t ignore the jarring seat in favor of relishing the utter joy in Jenny’s voice. They hadn’t made it a mile from Roy’s house before the litany had begun and, like the kicking, had recurred as they’d driven. So had the songs and the car games and the bickering. He loved almost every second of it now, though he’d almost lost it once or twice as it was happening. He sneaked a look at Roy, who looked as tired as he sounded and more than a bit sick of his kids’ enthusiasm. It only made John’s smile widen, until he thought that what was new and endearing to him was old hat to Roy, might have brought up memories of family vacations past. 

Thinking along those lines also reminded him that this wasn’t a family vacation, as far as the rest of the world knew. Sure, he was Uncle Johnny to Chris and Jenny, but it wasn’t … he had to stop wallowing in that and be happy for what he had. How many times had he reasserted that to Roy over the last four and a half months? This bout of insecurity was stupid. He was being stupid.

“You forgot hiking, sweetie,” Johnny said as he turned around to look at the kids. 

“And collectin’ different leaves for my school project.” Chris scowled for a moment at the mention of school, though it faded fast; Johnny had convinced him that could be fun too. “And seeing the stars at night.”

“And _fishing_ ,” Jenny said. She wrinkled her nose. “Even though that’s gonna be funner for you and Uncle Johnny, Daddy, that’s okay.”

“Hey, I wanna fish too. I can’t wait to see all the guts.”

“Ew, Chris, yucky.”

Roy smiled then, with a small huff of laughter. Johnny’s heart did a pitter pat at the fatherly affection and warmth the smile brought to his partner’s face. That right there was a big part of why Johnny had fallen for Roy hook, line and sinker, as it were, and why he had to remember that the secrecy of their relationship was a small sacrifice in light of all that he got out of it. 

“Don’t worry, Jenny, you can help me find pretty things to take pictures of while your dad and brother clean the fish,” Johnny said. 

“Yay,” Jenny said, “because I’m real good at that.” 

Johnny had brought the camera and ample rolls of film for more landscape photography, but he was also hoping to work on candid portraits. He was better at objects than people, but he wasn’t one to shy away from challenges. He couldn’t think of a better group of subjects to practice on than the DeSotos. He had an idea for future gifts if any of the shots turned out, a cataloguing of the little family’s return to happiness after tragedy. It wouldn’t matter if he wasn’t in the photos himself, he’d always know he held the camera, was right there, a secret part of the family.

They’d chosen to forego the established campsites for a more authentic trip. With Johnny’s outdoor experience and both his and Roy’s background as firefighters and paramedics, it was safe as safe could be. Johnny had been to this park countless times since he moved to LA. He knew the lay of the land. There was something about camping near others that diminished the allure to Johnny, as more often than not, he welcomed the serenity of nature after rough weeks at work, the stress of other people’s problems on his own emotional and sometimes physical health. For as much as this trip was a reminder of the family he couldn’t truly have, he still wanted to share that kind of peaceful feeling with Roy and the kids. After all they’d been through, he thought they’d appreciate it.

As Chris took off like a shot, pent-up energy needing a release, after Roy parked the car, Jenny trailed after him and Roy yelled at them to be careful, not wander too far, Johnny decided to disregard his own foolish hurt. He _was_ a part of this, even if it was in secret, and there was no way this weekend could be anything but fantastic.

eEe

“No, Chris, don’t,” Johnny called.

He lunged forward, knocked Chris out of harm’s way … and put himself right in its way instead. He felt his balance give even as he swung his arms wildly to regain some of it. Chris, to his credit even though he didn’t know what the danger was, tried to get to Johnny to help keep him upright; the boy was too small and the effort not quite fast enough. All Chris accomplished was to go down with Johnny, and they ended up a jumble of arms, legs and leaves they’d already amassed. Johnny’s tailbone got the worst of it, the impact rattling all the way up his spine. If Chris’s elbow to his gut was the cream filling, the greenery they landed in was the icing on the cake.

“That’s poison oak,” Johnny muttered, concluding his warning far too late. The stupid thing was that Chris probably would have been fine if Johnny hadn’t rushed him. He felt instantly guilty for making thing worse rather than better. He nudged Chris with one of his hands, careful not to touch skin. “See if you can get off me without coming into contact with any of it, huh?”

“Okay, Uncle Johnny,” Chris said.

Chris did all right extricating from Johnny and the poison oak, but even from his prone position, Johnny could see a rash spreading across the boy’s right forearm. He wished they hadn’t taken off their jackets, the air still cool but they’d been moving steadily. It figured that one of them would be highly sensitive. His own skin didn’t feel too bad, but he knew it was inevitable that he’d be itchy and rashy somewhere. He took some small comfort in knowing this time, at least, he wasn’t alone in suffering. He regretted that thought immediately; what kind of person was glad to have a companion in pain? 

“You doing okay there, sport?”

“It doesn’t feel good.” Chris grimaced, his left hand reaching to scratch. He stopped himself without prompting. “My leaves.”

“We’ll come back for them. We gotta treat this before it gets out of control, yeah?” Johnny said. 

He clasped Chris on the shoulder and steered him toward the campsite. Thank goodness they hadn’t wandered too far away, half a mile at the most. Thank goodness, too, that he and Roy were always prepared; life as firefighter/paramedics had taught them to be well stocked in the event of almost any emergency. Not that any of what had happened since this morning (this morning!) constituted true emergencies. Mini-disasters had still depleted their first aid kit a little bit. He scowled as he and Chris silently walked.

This weekend was turning out to be an unmitigated disaster. 

Johnny thought it terribly ironic that they were up there celebrating the Earth, on a special day some hippie had designated for all things environmental a few years back, and yet the Earth seemed to be out to get him. It had started innocently enough. Anyone could trip while carrying loads of camping gear, unable to see the gopher hole, and his ankle hadn’t been too badly turned that it would ruin the whole trip. Jenny fussing at him like a miniature Dixie McCall had warmed his heart and he hadn’t been too upset to get out of tent set-up and fire pit digging. 

Everything was fine for a few hours after that, but now Johnny knew that Mother Earth had been lulling him into a false sense of security. Since that apparent grace period had ended, he’d stubbed the big toe on his left foot hard enough against a tree stump that he thought he might lose the nail, bruised his ribs when he’d slipped on a slimy rock down at the waterfall, conked his head on a low hanging tree branch and then fallen out of the same tree, which resulted in numerous cuts and scrapes. And they hadn’t even done half the activities he and Roy had planned, yet. He thought Mother Earth had a personal vendetta against him. 

Or maybe, some primordial part of Johnny’s brain thought, just maybe all these accidents kept happening were proof that this wasn’t his family; that he didn’t belong with them. Even as those thoughts ate away at the back of his mind, he knew they didn’t make sense. He knew it was foolish to give them any kind of credibility, but then – didn’t even Roy comment on his basic insanity on more than one occasion? Logic wasn’t always easy for him to maintain, and he knew it. And insecurity easily turned into an out of control brushfire, almost impossible to beat and difficult to keep contained.

As he and Chris drew closer to the camp, he heard Jenny’s happy voice resonating toward them. She and Roy had stayed back for a little nap, which Johnny wished he’d had the wherewithal to suggest for all of them. Camping trips, Roy had told him, meant special treats like staying up later than usual, and that was why Jenny hadn’t fought the nap, though she was well past the age. Secretly, Johnny thought she’d longed for the alone time with her daddy, and he could not fault her that. He spent many of his days longing for alone time with Roy, but only because that was the only kind of time he could have with Roy as anything but friend and work partner. 

“Oh, Daddy, they’re back,” Jenny shouted. 

Roy stepped out from behind a large nearby tree, hands at his waistband. Johnny watched him follow Jenny’s pointing hand, saw his partner frown almost instantly, then smile and shake his head.

“Looks like you’d better get the first aid kit, honey,” Roy said, amusement clear even if his voice was faint. 

“Uh oh, okay.”

Johnny had his own rueful grin on his face when he got close enough to see how fondly Roy looked at him and Chris in turn. 

“Poison oak earns extra credit, right, Chris?” Johnny said, bumping the boy’s shoulder with his elbow. 

“What?” Chris asked.

“Never mind, Chris,” Roy said, “he was just joking.”

“It wasn’t funny. My arm itches!”

It wasn’t that bad, really. Johnny gave half his attention to treating his own spots of contact dermatitis; the other half was for watching Roy tend to his son with Jenny hovering close to them. Considering the amount of oak they’d landed in, he and Chris had very small patches of affected skin. Still, he thought with a frown, it was just one more thing that had happened to him today. With the three DeSotos all right next to each other, Johnny felt disconnected and had to fight hard not to let it show. The last thing he wanted was Roy to know his insecurities; the man had had enough to deal with in his life without pandering to bruised feelings that had no resolution anyway. 

“I think maybe we should stick close for the rest of the evening,” Roy said, dotting calamine on the last bit of Chris’s skin. He winked at Johnny. “Might be safer.”

“Haha,” Johnny said, feigning that everything was just fine, A-okay with him. “I’ll have you know none of this ever happens to me when I come out here on my own.”

As soon as he said it, Johnny’s gut clenched. He stood abruptly and headed for the woods, hand signaling to Roy that he had to take care of nature’s call. Goodness knew he couldn’t get in trouble doing _that_. Especially since the pain in his gut wasn’t physical so much as emotional and the only relief he was going to get was from a few deep breaths and a mental cleanse. He got three trees deep before he ducked behind one and leaned against the trunk, head tilted back. There was something wrong with him if he couldn’t just be happy knowing that despite the mishaps, or perhaps because of them, he was creating memories with Roy and his family that he’d have forever, and so would they.

He couldn’t have stood like that for more than a minute, conscious that the bathroom ruse only allowed him that, when Johnny heard rustling. It came from in front of him rather than behind, so he knew it wasn’t Roy or one of the kids. Great. With his luck, it was probably a mountain lion come to put him out of his misery. He opened his eyes, taking a cautious look around and spotted her right away. Twenty feet ahead, partially obscured by shrubs and trees, stood a doe. Her belly was large, clearly with fawn. Johnny straightened, hand automatically reaching for the camera he didn’t have.

For one, maybe two seconds, the doe stared directly at him. Her eyes were large and calm and he couldn’t breathe for fear of making her dart away. She moved slowly, grazing, as if she sensed he was no threat, and he didn’t even know why but suddenly Johnny felt a little bit better.

“Johnny, you gonna help with dinner or what?” Roy shouted. “You promised to show Jenny how to make campfire fries.”

The doe bolted, took herself and her future family away. The thunderous footfalls jarred Johnny off the support of the tree. He didn’t spend too much time thinking about the deer, was just grateful he’d had that moment of peace. It showed him Mother Earth didn’t completely hate him, and if Mother Earth didn’t hate him completely, then maybe he really _was_ letting his other insecurities get the better of him. Yeah, yeah. He’d said it before and it was still true, logic was not one of his fortes. 

Johnny rubbed his stomach, the mention of food suddenly making him realize his hunger. Apparently the calamity of the day’s activities burned a lot of energy he needed to replenish.

Dinner, surprisingly, went off without a hitch. Given how the day had gone, the combination of fire and knifes and whatnot should have been a recipe for another minor injury. He was much happier with the recipe for hot dogs on sticks Roy had whittled while he and Chris had been rolling around in poison oak. 

If Johnny sliced into his thumb when he was showing Jenny how to prepare the foil packets of seasoned potatoes, he wasn’t going to say anything about it. 

Conversation as they munched on hot dogs and potatoes revolved around the exploits of the day, and Johnny couldn’t help but smile at the good-natured teasing. It was comfortable, and it almost felt right, like maybe he did belong. In a way, he always had. In a way, he always would. But he could not shake the feeling that he wanted more. For some reason, he didn’t mention the doe sighting. That felt private, just for him for the moment.

“You know what I learned today?” Jenny asked around a mouthful of her second hot dog. 

“Never turn your back on Mother Earth?” Roy said.

“No, Daddy.” Jenny laughed. “Helping you fix Uncle Johnny’s owies was fun. I think I want to be a doctor when I grow up.”

“Last week you wanted to be an astronaut,” Chris said.

“I’ll be an astronaut doctor,” Jenny said, undeterred.

“You can absolutely do that, Jenny,” Roy said. “You’re smart enough to do whatever you want.”

“I think maybe I want to be a park ranger. Exploring and hiking with Uncle Johnny was fun, and it’s important to keep the land safe just like you keep people safe, right?” Chris said.

“That’s right, Chris. You’d be pretty good at it, too. Right, John?”

“Right. You’re both incredible,” Johnny said. He swallowed several times. “Just incredible.”

That feeling in Johnny’s stomach was back, but a different variation. Listening to the kids and their aspirations, how they connected back to him … it hit him hard. He caught Roy gazing at him over the fire, eyebrows quirked, and knew he hadn’t been as successful at hiding his state of mind as well as he’d thought. He shook his head briefly, mouthed, “later”. 

He knew Roy would hold him to that, but their future conversation was almost unnecessary now. He thought his issues were firmly in hand again. They roasted many marshmallows, practiced some novice astronomy and told ghost stories. He’d colluded with Roy beforehand, and Johnny thought he’d managed some great reaction shots of the kids with his camera as Roy came to the spooky climax of several stories. To all of that, Johnny added stories of his ancestors, which Chris and Jenny soaked up like sponges; it made him wonder why he’d never shared that part of him before. Tucking the kids into their tent made him realize the answer to that question was simple – he felt an official part of the family now, whether or not Chris and Jenny knew that he loved their father (and them) more than his own life.

He and Roy stayed up, staring at the crackling flames as they petered out and not speaking so as to not disturb the kids. Johnny was a little surprised when, as the fire faded to embers, Roy inched closer to him to share body heat. He didn’t rebuff the move, enjoyed the warmth of their shoulders and thighs brushing and the comfortable way they could sit in complete quiet. 

After some time, half an hour, an hour, Roy stood, stretched and held out a hand to Johnny. Johnny took it, allowed himself to be pulled up and then also away from the camp. Roy didn’t lead them so far they couldn’t keep an ear and eye on things, just deep enough into the trees for some privacy. He was not prepared at all when Roy halted, spun and pushed him into a tree, mouth hot and needy on his, but as always, he opened into the kiss, wrapped one arm around Roy’s waist, the other curled up to the nape of Roy’s neck. He shivered as Roy hiked his shirt up and ran warm hands across his lower back. 

“Roy,” Johnny whispered after he pulled the kiss, heady desire making his muscles feel loose and also tense.

Roy nipped at his neck, mumbled something. His hands did not stop moving, exploring territory he already knew better than anyone ever had. The sureness of the touches had Johnny hard and wanting.

“But the kids,” Johnny said.

“They’re sleeping,” Roy said quietly. “It’s okay. It’s okay, I need…”

Roy surged for his mouth again, kissing him quick and dirty.

“I know you wish we could tell Chris and Jenny.” Roy stroked a finger down the side of Johnny’s face, smiling when Johnny frowned. “I know you, remember. I wish we could, too, but it’s not something we can do lightly.”

“I know, Roy, I know that,” Johnny said. “I love them so much, you know?”

Roy’s nostrils flared, his eyes darkened.

“You’re so good with both of them. You have to know that’s a huge turn on.”

Johnny did. He kissed Roy with fervor, his own hands decided for him that this was so very right as they tugged Roy’s shirt free, unbuckled his belt. He felt himself manhandled away from the tree, protested when Roy broke the kiss again, until his shirt was expertly shucked and he was pushed into the tree. It wasn’t going to be pretty and it wasn’t going to be sweet, but it had to be quiet. He finally got into Roy’s pants, hands shoving them down just to the thigh, one of them taking hold of Roy’s cock. Roy jerked into the touch, into his space, rutting and humping and ow, ow, shit. Johnny hissed as tree bark dug into his shoulder blades and spine.

Roy’s hips kept moving, but they slowed at the sound of Johnny’s distress rather than pleasure. His hands held Johnny by the biceps, softening the kiss out of raw lust into something more tender and sweet before that slowed to a stop and Roy ended the kiss at the same time he yanked Johnny forward. One of his hands trailed to Johnny’s back, and then everything stilled.

“I think you’re bleeding,” Roy said.

“Fuck,” Johnny said. “It figures.”

“This really isn’t your day.”

“For a while, I was sure someone Up There was trying to tell me something. Apparently, they still are.”

Roy laughed, burrowed his face in the crook of Johnny’s neck for a moment, leaned into Johnny’s hand still on his cock. They stood that way for a while, both of them still very much hard with need and want, but it mellowed organically as they gentled their touches. Eventually all they were really doing was standing there holding each other up under the stars and the canopy of trees. It was nice, actually, peaceful. 

“I’ll tell you something,” Roy whispered finally. “We should come back up here by ourselves sometime, pick up the _al fresco_ where we’re leaving off tonight.”

At the beginning of the day, Johnny would have fixated on how that meant they had to keep hiding the truth about themselves. Now, standing there probably looking completely ridiculous with his hand on Roy’s softening cock and covered with ridiculous battle wounds, Johnny found it didn’t matter. He knew he loved Roy and Roy’s kids and all three of them loved him too. It was all he needed. It was going to be all right, no matter what.

“I think that can be arranged,” Johnny whispered back. He reluctantly let go of Roy, and gently tugged Roy’s pants back up. “I’ll hold you to it.”

He kissed Roy just as gently, then found his shirt and together they walked back to the camp, to Roy’s traditional family and Johnny’s secret little one.


End file.
